16 Ways to De-stress

Brow furrowed? Pulse galloping? Barely able to breathe? It's time to relax. We've gathered easy strategies to keep tension from taking over.


HYPNOTIZE YOURSELF
Forget swaying pocket watches and deep trances. "Hypnosis is a state of highly focused attention," says David Spiegel, the director of Stanford School of Medicine's Center on Stress and Health. If done properly, hypnosis can clear your mind, lower your heart rate, and decrease muscle tension. Close your eyes and picture a movie screen with something stressful, like rush-hour traffic, on the left side. Now, visualize a solution playing out on the right, like discovering a new route with no traffic. Eventually, you'll feel a moment of intense absorption, he explains, like when you're so caught up in a good movie that you forget where you are. Try doing this for five minutes, three or four times a day.

(REALLY) FORGIVE SOMEONE
Although it may be tempting to rehash the details of how your sister's boyfriend snubbed you, letting go of negative feelings really does lower stress. "When our minds keep rehearsing troubling interactions, the body's calming system becomes impaired," says Charlotte vanOyen Witvliet, a psychologist at Hope College in Holland, Michigan. A cursory hug won't do, though. You have to sincerely replace your anger toward the wrongdoer with an attempt to understand the reasons behind his actions. "Forgiveness helps you see more of the truth, not less. When we are upset, our vision is limited in scope," says Witvliet.

OPEN THE WINDOW
Just looking out your window can have a relaxing effect. In a study led by Peter Kahn, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Washington in Seattle, participants in an office were shown one of three views: a natural setting, a digital display of the same scene, and no view. When stress levels were artificially increased, those looking at the real natural scene returned to their normal heart rate more quickly. Those who looked at the digital display did no better than those looking at a blank wall, suggesting the brain is not easily fooled. "We do best mentally and physically when we're connected to nature," says Kahn.

SEND YOURSELF FLOWERS
"Without question, stress is mitigated by nature," says Mehmet C. Oz, coauthor of You: Stress Less (Simon & Schuster). Scientists at Harvard University delivered flowers to one group of women and gave candles to a second group. Within a week, the first group felt less anxious and depressed, perhaps because humans are comforted by vegetation—a means of survival in caveman days. Oz suggests keeping a plant on your desk and cut flowers at the dinner table.

PUCKER UP
A kiss (or two) a day can keep the stress away. You'll feel less isolated, which is a common source of anxiety. According to Laura Berman, a professor of obstetrics-gynecology and psychiatry at Northwestern University, women in particular respond to locking lips by releasing endorphins. She recommends at least one ten-second kiss a day—deep and emotional, but not necessarily sexually arousing. "Just enjoy the physical connection," she says.

TAKE A TIME-OUT
You don't need to slip into bed to get the benefits of a good rest. Kate Hanley, author of The Anywhere, Anytime Chill Guide: 77 Simple Strategies for Serenity (Skirt!), suggests a simple exercise you can do at your desk that is just as refreshing as a nap:
• Keeping both feet on the floor, stack your forearms on the edge of the table.
• Scoot back in your chair so your spine is extended.
• Rest your forehead on your arms for a minute or two.

This opens the neck and shoulders, where physical tension commonly builds up, and creates space in your rib cage for deep breathing. Visualize your next task going well, or simply focus on your heartbeat. Either way, this exercise gives you a break.

TAKE IT EASY
Working out is a great way to take a bite out of tension—but think twice before you sign up for a boot camp. "When you are mentally tired, intense exercise adds to the stress you are feeling," says Samuele M. Marcora, a physiologist at the University of Kent in England. After a draining day, he suggests a moderate-intensity workout, like walking or light running. "It won't improve your fitness level, but it is good for the mood."

SAY "OM"
Yoga is a proven stress buster, but not all poses give the same relief. Inverted stances, such as back bends and headstands, may have a greater effect on your mood and anxiety, say researchers. The part of the nervous system that relaxes the body and mind may be stimulated when the spine is bent, explains Chris Streeter, a professor of psychiatry at Boston University School of Medicine.

GO INTO THE LIGHT
"Stress can be triggered when our bodies don't know what time it is," says Julie Holland, an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at New York University School of Medicine. "Exposing your retina to sunlight resets your circadian rhythm so your brain is on a schedule." Take a walk outside without sunglasses for 20 minutes a day, three times a week. Phototherapy lamps and vitamin-D supplements also help.

WATCH A TEARJERKER
If you're still crying your contacts out on your 100th viewing of Blue Valentine, try watching it a 101st time with a new outlook: A recent study suggests that thinking positively while watching a sad movie may help you cope with setbacks in the real world. Women who had experienced stress were shown sad scenes from movies such I Am Sam and Fatal Attraction and asked to come up with happy endings and good advice for the characters. Test subjects who were best at this showed fewer signs of depression than women who watched the movies passively, says Allison S. Troy, a researcher at the University of Denver. Solving other people's problems is always easier, she says. Practicing as you make your way through your Netflix queue may sharpen your skills.

TREAT YOUR ALLERGIES
Itchy eyes and a runny nose aren't the only plagues of allergy season: Stress may rise with the pollen count. Alvaro Guzman, a psychiatrist at the National Center for the Treatment of Phobias, Anxiety and Depression in Washington, D.C., says research shows that patients with seasonal allergies often report stress, mood dips, and depression when symptoms flare. "When we have an allergic reaction, chemicals are produced in our blood that can aggravate mood changes," he says. If you notice your stress levels peaking when the weather is changing, Guzman suggests getting tested for allergies.

DROP AN F-BOMB
Saying what you really think about the boss over a couple of martinis has its advantages. After observing groups in various workplaces, Yehuda Baruch, a professor of management at Rouen Business School in France, found that people swear as a coping mechanism to release stress. When upset with a difficult customer, one test subject pretended to carry on a conversation as if the client were still on the phone, but with profanity to describe exactly how she felt. In the real world, Baruch warns to use common sense. "Stay professional and never swear in front of someone who would be offended."

GET BUSY
You're sitting on the couch watching The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reruns—just like last weekend. And instead of becoming absorbed, part of your brain stays focused on the looming deadlines that have been nagging at you at work. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, a professor of psychology at Yale University and the author of Women Who Think Too Much (Henry Holt), says, "Overthinking without being able to resolve anything draws us deeper into a feeling of being overwhelmed." A pastime that requires you to pay attention or engage with other people—like tackling a new recipe, taking a foreign-language class, or playing tennis—lets you escape from your own spinning head and break the cycle.

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH BEAUTY
Admiring a photo of a model or a movie star just as you would a work of art could relieve tension. Half a group of people who viewed photos of females wearing makeup said they were less stressed afterward, according to a study at the University of Louisville in Kentucky. The other half did not report the same benefit, but they didn't feel any worse, says Patrick Pössel, a professor of psychology who conducted the study.

BE A PESCATARIAN
Battling stress can be as simple as ordering fish at a restaurant. On The Truth About Food, a program on the Discovery Health Channel, researchers measured hormone levels in London cabdrivers, who have highly stressful jobs. When put on a diet of four portions a week of oily fish like mackerel, a source of omega-3 fatty acids, the drivers produced less of the stress hormone cortisol and more of DHEA, a hormone the body cranks out to combat stress. "When the body sees omega-3 fatty acids, it feels calm," says Oz. Walnuts, flaxseeds, and tofu are other excellent sources.

PLAY A VIDEO GAME
The hours your boyfriend and his slacker buddies spend hooked up to an Xbox may have an actual benefit. According to researchers at East Carolina University in Greenville, North Carolina, playing nonviolent video games can decrease stress and improve your mood. "Getting absorbed in games provides a distraction and relaxes the nervous system," explains Carmen Russoniello, a professor at the university. Skip World of Warcraft, even if you love walloping trolls, and choose something like Peggle instead. "The challenge should be difficult enough, but not an added pressure," says Russoniello.

Via Allure

How to Break Bad Habits

Banish Bad Habits
Middle-School flashback: You're slouched in your chair, biting your nails and yakking to Susan about Katie—that is, until Mrs. Anderson yells, "Girls!" Fast-forward to last night: You're slouched at your kitchen counter, frowning at your chewed cuticles and yakking on your cell phone to Susan about Katie. Where's Mrs. Anderson now?


Bad habits afflict us all. But whether your particular fixation is merely annoying, wastes time, or could actually hurt someone (like poor, long-suffering Katie), there are tricks and techniques to nip it in the bud. Of course, serious habitual behaviors might require years—and even some bona fide therapy sessions—to break. But psychiatrists, psychologists, and cognitive therapists agree that recognition is the first step. So you're already on the road to recovery and a lifetime of good posture, manicures, and trusting friendships.

The Habit: Fidgeting
Why you do it: You have excess energy, perhaps from the surge in adrenaline caused by consuming too much caffeine or sugar, and it has to come out somehow. Just ask that pen you keep clicking.
How to stop: If you’re a large-triple-mocha drinker, cut back. To control energy peaks and troughs, it’s also important to get enough exercise and sleep. And try converting the movement of your hands and legs into isometric exercises: Put your hands in your lap and concentrate on gently pushing your palms together. For your legs, place both feet flat on the floor and then push down. Do these exercises until the need to fidget subsides.

The Habit: Smacking Gum
Why you do it: It’s another oral fixation that serves as a security blanket when you’re nervous or anxious.
How to stop: The fastest and most effective solution? Switch to hard candy. But if you really don’t want to give up gum, have a friend stop you every time she hears you doing it. Then keep smacking long enough to hear yourself and recognize what an irritating sound it is. You might be embarrassed enough to stop.

The Habit: Running Late
Why you do it: The nice reason? You’re a pleaser and an overdoer, packing too much in. Not so nice? Deep down, you may think your time is more important than the time of those waiting. Either way, you lack some essential time-management skills.
How to stop: When someone asks you to do something, don’t accept right away. Say you’ll get back to him, then decide whether you have the time. Also, figure out which tasks always seem to make you late. Maybe it’s drying your hair in the morning: Time yourself to see how long it takes, then allot enough time in your routine. Tricks: Set your watch five minutes fast and build in time for unexpected delays. And always call ahead if you’re running late. Not only is it gracious but the shame of making repeated calls might also be the incentive you need to be punctual.

The Habit: Procrastination
Why you do it: It’s a strategy for managing the anxiety of having to complete a task.
How to stop: Recognize that when you procrastinate, others may think you don’t care about the job, and that’s worse than completing something less than perfectly. One trick to get you started: Make a check out to an organization you despise and give it to a friend to hold. If you don’t finish the self-assigned task by a certain date, have her mail the check. If you make yourself accountable for the consequences, it will motivate you to wrap up the task.

The Habit: Slouching
Why you do it: You may have slouched when growing up because you were self-conscious or taller than others or developed breasts before your peers, and the posture stuck. Or you might just be tired.
How to top: Take dance lessons, Pilates, or yoga to strengthen the abdominals and upper-back muscles. A simple shoulder-shrug exercise―think of touching your shoulders to your earlobes―is an even easier way to combat slouching. Do 10 rotations forward and 10 rotations back, says Phil Haberstro, executive director of the National Association for Health and Fitness, in Buffalo. “This will raise consciousness of posture and help remind you to stand and sit tall,” he says. “Regular physical activity helps combat the mental and physical fatigue that can contribute to slouching.”

The Habit: Disorganization
Why you do it: You may be a visual processor. You like to be surrounded by a mess because it’s stimulating―and it reminds you to do your work. But it backfires, since you waste time searching for things.
How to stop: Separate papers into a pile you need to do and a pile you can think about doing. Use folders or boxes in different colors. “One of my clients has 12 clipboards hung up in her office: six for current projects and six for those she may get to later,” says Lynn Cutts, a Colorado-based certified life coach. “She’s still being visually stimulated, but her stuff is organized.” Set up a system that works for you, and start with basic steps, like putting your keys in the same place every day.


The Habit: Name-Dropping
Why you do it: You feel insignificant and want to be perceived as more special than others around you. You think people will be impressed with you if you’re associated with a particular person. In addition to that, name-dropping can serve as a form of intimidation. “It’s a kind of one-upmanship,” says life Cutts.
How to stop: Listen to yourself! Would you want to stick around and hear all this? Remind yourself that you don’t need to resort to mentioning names as a way of increasing your value. If you can’t resist dropping a name or two, do so in a non-self-promoting way or with humor. Do it to share information, as opposed to putting someone down or making yourself look more important. And make sure to tell the full story, even if it’s “Oh, I passed Harrison Ford on the street. He didn’t actually speak to me, but he did glance in my direction.”

The Habit: Nail Biting
Why you do it: You use it to derive comfort and relieve stress. “Nail biting could be the adult version of thumb sucking,” says Alan Strathman, associate professor of social psychology at the University of Missouri, Columbia.
How to stop: First, note when you bite your nails, and then substitute another action. Keep a stress ball on your desk, or even play with Silly Putty the next time your fingers start tickling your teeth. You can also try wearing synthetic nails or painting your natural nails with a polish that has a foul taste. Or get a manicure. You’ll look good, and after paying for the service, you’ll think twice about ruining the results.

The Habit: Whining
Why you do it: You don’t feel confident that you have the power to request something. As a kid, you probably whined when you didn’t get what you wanted, and it paid off―then.
How to stop: As an adult, you’re in for a big surprise if you think you’ll get the same results. If your husband or friends say you’re a whiner, take note. Simply state what you want by making a direct request. For example, instead of ruining an evening out by complaining that you got stuck at a table next to the kitchen, politely ask the waiter to reseat you. Remember: Most people will develop a resistance to whiners. “We rebel against the behavior because we recognize that giving in will only reinforce it,” says Strathman.

The Habit: Gossiping
Why you do it: You try to take the focus off your flaws by exposing those of others. But a person who gossips by habit doesn’t truly believe she’s good enough on her own.
How to stop: Focus your conversation on sharing your experiences, such as discovering a new restaurant or your latest vacation. Brush up on current events, music, or sports. This will give you something else to discuss besides other people. Plus, you never know who is listening in on your conversation. If you’re complaining about your coworker, be aware that her best friend might be the woman directly behind you on the train. Keep in mind that gossiping makes you seem untrustworthy. You may even lose friends and professional contacts when people realize you’re a gossip.

The Habit: Perfectionism
Why you do it: Mom and Dad, who were probably perfectionists, had high expectations. (“Only a B, Mary?”) You define yourself by what you do, yet nothing gets done.
How to stop: Train yourself to care less. Deliberately do a poor job when performing a small chore―one that has no professional or personal impact, like doing the dishes or making the bed. “You’ll see the consequences aren’t so dire,” says Cutts. Set time limits for tasks, and use an alarm. There will be no room in the schedule for that “one more thing” to make it perfect. Finally, just for fun, do something at which you don’t excel. If you’re a shower diva (but know you’re no Streisand), try singing lessons. Or play a weekend sport with a team that judiciously ignores the score.

Five Steps for Changing Any Bad Habit
These tips come courtesy of Cherry Pedrick, coauthor of The Habit Change Workbook ($16, amazon.com).

Know when your habit shows up. Identify habit-prone situations. Record how often and where it presents itself.
Know the consequences. List the advantages and disadvantages of keeping—or changing—your habit.
Know an alternative behavior. Develop a competing response that you can employ instead of falling back on your habit.
Know your goals. Make a plan with short-and long-term goals, and reward yourself when you reach them.
Know you're human. Don't beat yourself up if you fall back into your old ways. This is a natural part of change.

Via Real Simple

Someone Is Lying

A pair of flaming trousers (or a growing nose, à la Pinocchio) isn’t the only sign that a person is spewing falsehoods.


A Person’s Demeanor or Voice Radically Changes
As an investigator, I first try to assess how someone normally speaks. To do that, I begin an interview by asking questions that I know the answers to, like “What’s your full name?” or “Where do you live?” Some folks are naturally animated and talk fast; others are more subdued. Once I know which type of talker a person is, I start asking him questions that I don’t know the answer to. If his manner shifts abruptly—going from calm to agitated or lively to mellow—chances are he’s not telling the truth.


A Person Avoids Saying “I”
In my research, I’ve discovered that when people fib about themselves, they tend to use I and me less often than people who are being truthful. Instead, they’ll speak about themselves in the third person (“This is a girl who loves to ski”) or even truncate their language (“Really into listening to jazz”)—anything to give themselves psychological distance from the lie.


A Person Has an Answer for Everything
Ask most people what they were doing last week and they’ll have to pause and think about it. That’s even more true of teenagers, who generally don’t have the capacity to tell an elaborate story on the fly. So when I call a child into my office and he seems totally rehearsed—there’s zero hesitation before he answers a question—well, that’s a dead giveaway.


A Person Fidgets and Fusses for No Reason
If someone keeps performing a random physical action that seems unnecessary—cleaning her glasses excessively, retying her shoelaces, or dusting off the (clean) table in front of her—she may be lying. The guilt and anxiety make her restless. That can be particularly true if she is lying to somebody she loves. When a person fibs to a traffic cop, she won’t necessarily fidget a lot. But if she is deceiving her husband, she won’t be able to sit still.


A Person Proclaims His Honesty Repeatedly
To sell us on the integrity of their answers, liars often use phrases emphasizing the validity of their statements, like “to tell the truth” and “to be perfectly honest.” These verbal tip-offs frequently invoke religion. Think of expressions like “I swear on a stack of Bibles” and “as God is my witness.” Most truthful people don’t need to go that far.

Via Real Simple