We flipped through countless pages of half-naked women and “bacon porn” in order to uncover some truths about the men in our lives.
- Faye Brennan, BettyConfidential.com
I’ve always thought the best way to learn more about men is to go directly to the source. Think about it — if men were to read BettyConfidential’s love+sex section or Cosmopolitan (though, with a grain of salt), they’d read about how we still like to be taken out to romantic dinners even if we’ve been dating for what seems like forever, and that some of us have never found our G-spot, but we welcome our men to try.
So, with this in mind, I decided to read through the November issues of the most popular men’s magazines to see if there was something on those pages that could teach us women a little bit more about the opposite sex. Here’s what I found:
1. Their morning wood has little to do with waking up next to us.
It’s disappointing, but true. According to Men’s Health, men wake up to Mr. Woody not because they feel a warm, sexy body next to them, but because of what happened in the middle of the night. As it turns out, during Rapid Eye Movement (REM) sleep, men tend to have hot and steamy dreams — an average of three to five per night! If your guy wakes up during the final REM cycle, he’ll find he’s pitched a tent — and you’ll feel a suggestive “nudge nudge” in your back.
2. They appreciate a solo night in just as much as we do.
We’re often led to believe that guys enjoy a night in doing nothing just about as much as they enjoy holding our purses as we drag them through the mall. But, as a GQ writer claims, he actually looks forward to a night at home by himself. His “Big Night In” includes listening to vinyl records with ESPN on mute, while he sips a martini, talks to his high school buddy on the phone, or reads a book. No women or bromance playdates necessary.
3. They really do listen to us — sometimes.
As Maxim’s monthly sex column proves, men will read what a woman has to say – as long as it has to do with sex. This month, Maxim’s female columnist tells male readers just how much we enjoy having numerous romps and are willing to try kinky new things while on vacation. C’mon, you can’t argue with that. We just hope guys don’t abuse that wealth of information. (Though, sorry to say boys, what these girls are doing on vacation is probably going to remain in your fantasies only...).
4. They text us during the day because that’s what they’re told to do.
One guy asked Men’s Health for advice on how to save his relationship — he’s been slammed at work and is putting in long hours and thus is worried his girlfriend may leave him. MH’s “Jimmy The Bartender” gave the following advice: “Risking your work rep for her is a high price — right now, at least. So do little things for her during the day. Drop her a nice text or e-mail every so often.” It’s not the hardest concept in the world, so why can’t they think of that on their own?!
5. They like cougars.
Young women, beware: if you want a man your own age, you’re going to have to fend off the cougars to get him. This past August, at the First Annual Cougar Conference held in Palo Alto, CA, Details found that cougars are the new intrigue for men, as countless “cubs” made an appearance to try and snag older women. "Girls in their twenties will just lay there," said one young man. "They won't reach down. They won't work to get you aroused. They kinda just don't care. That makes me feel like a sleazeball." But with a cougar, he says, it’s a different story: "I'd never met a woman [before] who wanted to do everything to me, and she was so good at it." Yikes!
6. They like looking at expensive cars they can’t afford … a lot.
No, like really a lot. Cars to men are like Christian Louboutins to us — so beautiful, so exquisite, so out of our price range.
7. Some of them think jealousy is the hottest turn-on.
According to an article in this month’s Details, some guys actually get revved up when their girlfriend throws a cell phone at their head or slashes their tires for cheating. “For most men, extreme jealousy is a deal-breaker,” writes Ian Daly, “a sure sign that you're in for a lifetime of self-justification, surveillance, suspicion, and maybe even a torched Audi or two. Still, there's a certain Sid-and-Nancy appeal to knowing that your partner is crazy enough about you to check up on you.” Hmm, we don’t know who these guys are that get turned on by jealous antics, but trust us, boys, our anger is not a form of foreplay.
8. They’re comfortable with seeing Taylor Lautner shirtless.
Scratch that. Every man who opened this month’s issue of GQ was probably stricken with an insane amount of jealousy after seeing Taylor model dress shirts with his rock hard abs front-and-center. Hopefully, your man saw Taylor’s ripped body as a source of inspiration, kind of like what we do when we see pictures of Marisa Miller in a bikini.
9. They’re also kind of obsessed with Adam Lambert.
Perhaps men were looking for tips on how to apply eyeliner for Halloween, or maybe it was all the gay guys swooning over his photos, but something is to blame for making Details’ cover story on Adam Lambert the most popular article this month. The mag is even offering dudes a chance to win a one-on-one photo shoot with the American Idol hunk. We’re assuming women need not apply.
10. They don’t mean to snap at us after a long day at work.
Eli Finkel, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Northwestern University explains to Men’s Health readers that it’s not entirely their fault that they argue with their girlfriends/wives after a stressful day at work. “Self-control functions like a muscle,” he says. “If you’ve been implementing a lot of self-control in other domains, you’ll have less left over for your relationship.” A note for us ladies to take home: if you’re guy isn’t safe from layoffs, he’s spending all day at work tiptoeing on thin ice. That means when he comes home, he doesn’t have the energy to tiptoe around you or your feelings. Just don’t take it personally — after all, the more you know about guys, the easier it is to understand them.
Faye Brennan is Assistant Editor at BettyConfidential. She used to intern at one of the sexy men's magazines mentioned above, but trust her, there were no naked women walking around the office.